My Own #Feminism Part 2: The #Bitch is Back

Screenshot 2014-10-23 at 9.12.30 PM

This is my “Bitchy Resting Face,” I can’t help it, it just happens.

I don’t know why, but I’ve come to realize I’m a bitch magnet.  Maybe it’s because I speak my mind and at times I have no filter. Maybe it’s my Saggitarian traits, fiery red hair and Irish personality. Whatever it is, it has helped me to acquire thick skin and a snarky, sarcastic sense of humor. Sometimes that’s not such a good thing.

After five months of not hearing a peep, the bitch is back. She must have read my earlier post #Feminism #Selfies and ‘Over 40’ Rules I Refuse to Follow and it struck a nerve. So far it was my most shared article on this blog. Another onslaught of nasty insults followed with attacks flying like “repulsive,” vulgar,” and “disgusting pig.” After calmly trying to defend myself, she’s back to blocking and deleting and we’re going to our separate corners of the earth. How sad.

These type of attacks are things many women have to deal with on a regular basis, especially young women. It’s no wonder so many people say women are bitches and joke about PMS and “that time of the month.” You try carrying our burden for even an hour, male reader, and see how well you fare. Female readers, you already know: We have a lot to deal with — raging hormones, high heels, childbirth, control-top pantyhose, less pay for all of our hard work, childbirth, underwire push-up bras, makeup, juggling housework-cooking-cleaning-taxi-mom-duties-mom-wife-duties all while trying to hold down a job and still be there for the kids, making sure our hair looks fab, and oh, did I mention childbirth?

I know, not ALL women go through it but for those who do….OUCH. And as if all of that is not enough, we also get the joy of dealing with catty, bitchy, judgmental women who, instead of supporting our “sisterhood,” feel they have the right to tell us how we should or should not act, feel or dress or why they are a better mom than us.

A woman should be able to raise their kids and run their household without judgement. A woman should be able to feel how they feel without petty insults about it for being a woman. Sometimes our emotions do get the best of us and that’s okay. A woman should dress however she feels most comfortable. If she feels sexy and beautiful in a short red minidress with spiked heels, with a pound of makeup and a can of  Aqua Net holding up her ‘do, then great. If another woman feels she looks best in creased denim jeans, a Disney sweatshirt and running shoes, that is her prerogative. But nobody has the right to tell me or anyone else how they should or should not dress, especially based upon age, to put us down or make us feel bad about ourselves.

I’ve reached a point in my life where I choose to be surrounded by positive, supportive, and loving people as much as possible. Maybe I won’t get the “Mom of the Year Award” and I sometimes drive my daughter to school in a bathrobe and slippers, but my rewards are my kids telling me on a regular basis, “You’re so cool, you’re so funny, I love you so much mom, you’re hilarious.” And that is more than enough for me.

Why should I let myself get emotionally and verbally abused and put down  by someone just because they’ve been in and out of my life for most of it? Friends, family friends or family, it is not healthy for anyone to remain in such a toxic relationship. I know I am not perfect by any means, but I do not make a habit of telling someone I have not been in touch with for years and say, “You’re too old to post selfies, you show too much cleavage and I don’t approve of your lifestyle or how you are raising your kids.” (For the record: my kids are AWESOME. I have an actor, a drummer and a dancer who are all incredibly talented, caring, funny, compassionate, loving and kind human beings. They didn’t get that way by accident.)

I do, however, make a point of trying to tell the friends and family I am lucky enough to have in my life how much I love and appreciate them. Maybe sometimes I don’t do this often enough as life sometimes gets in the way, but I am making an effort. If someone tells you that you’ve “always has a strained relationship” why bother trying? That’s the shittiest thing to say a person and expect for things to go back to normal afterwards.

Whether you believe in the Bible is a fairy tale or is the inspired Holy word, there is a passage in there that talks about the qualities of love that I feel can not be disputed:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

Do the love check to see if there are toxic people in your life who are keeping you from your goals and dreams:

  • Is there a person in your life that constantly throws up past mistakes in your face even though they say they’ve forgiven you?
  • Is there someone in your life that always threatens to cut off the relationship every time you get into a disagreement?
  • Is there someone who is always in competition with you and does not rejoice in your happiness when things are going well for you?
  • Is there someone that is always quick to believe the worst about you before they hear both sides of the story?

If your answer was “YES” to any of the above questions, maybe that person does not truly love you and you need to examine your relationship.

So what does all this love talk have to do with the “my own feminism?” Simple. We need to love ourselves even when others don’t. We need to do whatever is right for us in our lives that empowers us as women. And, as hard as it is, we need to try to love others even when they don’t deserve it. But don’t allow ourselves to get walked all over and abused by someone who doesn’t love us based upon their actions.

Good always conquers over evil and true love never fails.

5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. momfeld
    Nov 10, 2014 @ 06:36:31

    I couldn’t have written this better myself. I have had a #3 in my life for nearly 30 years. I have tried everything to get this person to love me (hell, I would have settled for like) but finally, finally, FINALLY I see that it’s just not going to happen and can say, “fuck you, you’re missing out.” I have my people. The rest of them? Eh. I don’t have the time or the energy for it. Why are women so catty and nasty to each other? One of the mysteries of the world, I guess. Great post.

    Reply

  2. wendipoprockct
    Nov 10, 2014 @ 12:58:08

    Thanks Momfeld! We should never have to “try” to get people to love us. When we do that we are just allowing them to gain power in the relationship, setting us up for failure, abuse and victimization. When we let go of those toxic relationships, and “cut the cord” so to speak, we free ourselves, allowing for healthy, positive things to come our way. And again, it truly is their loss.

    Reply

  3. Betsy
    Nov 11, 2014 @ 13:00:30

    You are so correct , Wendi! Those are caustic relationships which are so detrimental to our health and wellbeing. Unfortunately some of us don’t realize this until later in life if at all. I had to walk away from someone I truly loved and always will because after so many years of trying to get them to love me I had lost my sense of self, I had no self worth. And as you have witnessed first hand, I am now whole! The cord is a tough one to cut, but it must be done and then, and only then can you truly love, starting with yourself, which is the key to loving others.

    Reply

  4. wendipoprockct
    Nov 13, 2014 @ 03:27:40

    So true Betsy, thanks for commenting! 🙂

    Reply

  5. Trackback: Playing With #Barbies, Internet #Trolling and My Own #Feminism | Wendipoprock's Wild Ride

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