1 X-Ray, 2 Biopsies, 3 Awesome Results: #MyLeftBoob #BreastCancerChronicles

Screen Shot 2016-11-15 at 3.42.59 PM

Okay, that last post was super depressing but sometimes that’s life. This blog is honest, open and real and doesn’t sugar coast the roller coaster ride we are on. Some readers may think I’m being melodramatic but the majority of emails and comments I get are from followers who say how much my writing has helped them— people who are not as open about their cancer journey as I’ve been, women who are going crazy but are afraid to go to therapy, patients who, like me can’t understand why the ones they thought would be there for them are not. It’s all part of the journey and the wounds that thicken our skin in this life-long battle we’re in.

We may look normal from the outside now that we’re done with treatment, but our lives will never be the same. Every new ache, pain, lump or bump forces us to think again about our biggest fear— recurrence. What it the cancer is back? And this is what I’ve been dealing with for the last few months.

Back in April I began having really bad cramps. At my annual gynecology checkup I shared my symptoms with my doctor thinking he would say it was normal for women my age. He didn’t. He ordered an ultrasound because of the type of cancer I had and its high rate of recurrence.

Seeing as I had so many complications during my breast cancer treatment, I figured I couldn’t possibly have anything but normal results for this test. I thought wrong. He said the results were abnormal and that I’d need another test. Test number two- they found a lump. More waiting.

In the midst of all this waiting over the course of two months my back began to hurt. Immediately my mind raced and the thoughts came flooding back— what if it’s back, what if it’s in my back? I fought so hard for so long. I just can’t go through all of this all over again. Except for telling my husband, I kept the results to myself and tried to go on with life as usual. But the pain, lack of sleep and worry took a toll on my sanity.

I thought about two women I’ve met who also had Metaplastic Carcinoma, a very rare type of cancer that only occurs in one percent of women diagnosed. It’s a very aggressive type of “new” cancer that has a very high rate of recurrence. “Metaplastic” means “change in form” which means this type is known to come back and spread to the back, the skin, the bones, the lungs and more.

One woman, a fellow journalist, was one of the first to reach out to me after I found her online support group. She was an amazing advocate for this unrelenting disease and launched metaplasticbc.com to connect patients, caregivers and researchers. She also created a YouTube channel detailing her treatment. She fought a three-year battle with dignity, grace and humor. But the cancer came back, to her back, and she passed away in November of 2015.

The other woman is still fighting. The cancer also came back to her back and, after surgery on her spine to remove the tumors, she is now paralyzed from the waist down and confined to a wheelchair. You’d think this would give her a reason to complain, be angry and bitter or all of the above. But not this fierce warrior. No, she fights with dignity, positivity, grace and class.

So naturally when my back started aching in May, I couldn’t stop my mind from thinking about these two brave warriors who have held my hand and inspired me since I was diagnosed in February of 2015. I went for an x-ray and it came back all clear. Thank God!

But I still had to wait for test number three and two biopsies on my uterus and cervix. I won’t go into detail about the procedure, I’ll just say there were needles, catheters and painful scraping involved. The doc said the pain would be over before I knew it— not so much.  The cramping and pain from the biopsies lasted for hours and I had to take 4 Motrin to finally get some relief.

Finally after almost a week of waiting I got the good news— it’s not cancer. Thank GOD! The last three months have been awful, filled with so much worry and fear. Now that I know I remain cancer free I can try to get on with this thing called life.

While cancer has robbed me of so much it has given me so much more— appreciation for family, friends and of course my special sweet pup who never leaves my side, gratefulness for the doctors and nurses who have helped me get better, the helpers and the pray-ers, thankfulness that while I had it bad and some of the pain and symptoms will never go away, I still have all my parts, can still get up every day and be with my loved ones, go to work, exercise, smell the stargazers and enjoy all of the blessings I’m fortunate enough to have.

Screen Shot 2017-07-05 at 2.19.29 AM

And now that I have the all-clear, I can try to finally start getting back to taking care of my health. My goal for next week is going to the gym 3x and yoga 2x. If I don’t reach my goal please feel free to cyber-fish-slap me.

Black and white photo of Wendy by Garrett Burdick, San Fran., CA

Stargazer photo by Emily Lewis via Flickr Creative Commons

%d bloggers like this: